We Will Overcome

I was a useless man. Eat, smoke, drink and sleep was all I did. The only thing I gave back to the world was my shit. And even that used to stink like hell.

I will never forget that day. The day when I found the purpose of my life - my raison d' etre. It was a sticky Ahmedabad afternoon. I was taking my post very-heavy-lunch nap, hapless and despondent with me and my 'tanhai', cursing my uneventful and wretched existence. And then it happened. Whether it was a dream or reality, I will never know. The only thing I can say is that it changed me forever. It was the stroke of divinity – my tryst with Bore Baba – the deity of Boriyat. I had only to look into his eyes and realize I had met my savior. He embraced me lovingly and cursed me (oh, how foolish I was then to mistake his blessings for a curse) to a jaded existence of boredom. He talked at length about the lost art of Boredom. Of how our ancient rishis unleashed the power of their minds, performed miracles with extraordinary ease simply because of their untiring dedication towards the practice of Boredom. He literally shed tears at the ignorance of our masses, their neglect and forsaken attitude towards the most exquisite creation of God.

There are only a handful of our brothers and sisters. People who have dedicated their entire lives to Baba’s cause. They include the likes of Sidney Sheldon, Ekta Kapoor and the unparalleled genius – Bappi Lahri (Readers will appreciate being a covert organization we cannot disclose our ranks) He gave me a mission, a reason to live. I did almost everything I could to establish myself in the highly refined art of boredom. I read annual balance sheets of public limited companies, read tomes on the social life of cockroaches and even tried my hand at calculus. Finally with the blessings of Baba when I was confident enough I brought myself to the excruciating task, my ultimate test - watch all the flicks of our very own Mithun Da (Aaaaah!). And now I have the opportunity to bring to fruition Baba's plans of universal boredom by writing the most abominable, crappy shit in this world and spread it far and wide with this Blog. We shall be mocked at and derided but one day – We Will Overcome

P.S. I pass considerably less smelly shit now.